The Thin Walls Index
Report what the walls failed to contain. Twenty seconds, three questions, no names — the Bureau records the reading, not the performance.
Form AM-3 — Report of an Acoustic Event
A postcode enters the Index once its cell clears the Bureau's k-anonymity floor inside the window. The quarterly Acoustic Report names the titleholder; the residents already know.
What the Index records
The Station keeps a register of what residential walls fail to contain. A report carries a postcode, a category — neighbours, flatmate, hotel, origin undetermined — and an audibility rating from one, Peaceful, to five, Structural. Nothing else is collected. There is no address, no name, and no free text, which is why the Index can be published at all.
Standings are a rolling mean across the window, and any postcode below the Bureau's anonymity floor is suppressed outright. A leaderboard specific enough to identify a single building is not a leaderboard; it is an accusation, and the Station declines to make one.
If the noise is a real problem
The Index is satire and reaches nobody. For an actual remedy in New South Wales, the sequence is: speak to the neighbour once, in daylight; then contact your local council, which handles offensive noise; then, for immediate disturbance, the police assistance line. Restricted hours for most residential noise begin at 10pm on weeknights and midnight at weekends. The Bureau records the event. Councils act on it.
Common questions
What can I do about noisy neighbours in Sydney?
- Start with the neighbour, in daylight, once. If that fails, NSW law treats noise as offensive when it is audible in a habitable room of another residence during restricted hours — generally after 10pm on weeknights and midnight on weekends for most residential sources. Councils and the local police can act on offensive noise; the Bureau merely keeps the index.
What time does noise have to stop in NSW?
- For most residential noise the restricted period begins at 10pm Sunday to Thursday and midnight Friday, Saturday and public holidays, running until 7am (8am weekends). Different sources carry different windows. The Bureau's own view is that the hour matters less than whether anyone in the next room can identify the tempo.
Is the Thin Walls Index a real noise complaint?
- No. It is a satirical register. Nothing lodged here reaches a council, a landlord, a strata committee or a neighbour, and no report can identify a person or a dwelling. If you need a real remedy, contact your council or, for immediate disturbance, the police assistance line.
How is a postcode scored on the leaderboard?
- Each report carries an audibility rating from one, Peaceful, to five, Structural. A postcode's standing is the mean of its reports across a rolling window. Postcodes below the Bureau's anonymity floor are suppressed entirely — a leaderboard that could identify a single building is not a leaderboard, it is an accusation.
What does the audibility scale mean?
- One is Peaceful: nothing carried. Two is Faint. Three is Audible, the point at which a reasonable person stops pretending not to hear. Four is Insistent. Five is Structural, reserved for events the building itself participated in.
Related counters
Where the event was your own and the question is one of hospitality rather than volume, the Debrief audits the morning after. The full directory is held at Online Services.